Juan Sanchez Siesta-Villa Lobos Martinos Tiburones y Ramirez
Juan. That rapidly ascending comet in the field of romantic Latino ballads. Hailing from Sevilla, this famous charmer fills the stages of countless nightclubs, hotels and cruise ships around the world, dodging panties and hotel room keys as he performs. The Spanish heartthrob never fails to moist female tear ducts whereever he performs, crooning such world-famous hits as "Tierra Del Fuego - Amor Mio", "Lo Siento, Senorita", "Oh mierda! Su esposo!" and "Mi Casa Es La Casa De Amor".
Hordes of jealous husbands have forced him to live a semi-nomadic lifestyle, and he never stays in one place very long. He has dismissed claims that he hates his fellow males for being competitors, stating that "Without male - no female, si? Without female, Juan very unhappy!" He is known to be quite a womanizer, in the footsteps of Julio Iglesias, although he has dismissed the aforementioned artist by saying: "Julio, he very old. Julio, he need Viagra. Bad. Me, very young. Me not need Viagra. Good!" Juan says that he is very open-minded and every non-relative, non-gay female from 18 to 58 is fair game to him. Or as he puts it: "Younger, no good! Older... Juan need a little more wine."
An accomplished ichtyologist, he's had a species of fish named after him: Carcharinus Juanis Ramiresis, or the South Patagonian Sex Shark. He claims to have escaped an attack by a female Great White Shark, when he was dumped into its tank by a megalomaniacal villain, by seducing it, although the aftermath was apparently not pretty: "Juan never call back. She very angry!"